between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
