Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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