How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
