just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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