oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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