____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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