Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
