Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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