He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
