Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
