he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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