Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
