So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
