i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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