i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
