Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
