She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
