It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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