I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
