Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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