thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
