It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
