please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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