I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
