I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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