she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
