Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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