Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
