Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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