Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
