You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
