It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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