mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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