69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
