HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
