I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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