she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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