I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
