i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
