I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
