Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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