He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
