Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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