Whod you bang
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
