I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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