Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
