Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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