Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
