No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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