I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
