I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
