it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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